My very own Blog

Now I can say whatever I want and no one will know! Haha
Just kidding this is the internet after all. And why write things down if you don't want people to read them. Well after a pretty damn unproducive day I find myself lonely. I was attempting to ignore the world in order to get some school work done. I'm a little annoyed by the fact that the world is ignoring me back. At least today it is.
I guess it's nice for a change. Lately I have felt like the center of attention and it takes some getting used to. In fact I'm not sure I want to get used to this feeling.
On I think Thursday this guy at work was talking to me in the elevator. He asked me a few questions about some guy I don't even know that apparently likes me. He continued to tell me that it's known that I "am the hottest girl at No Name Cafe" and that his cousin said he "was tired of hearing about this girl Ashley." He said his cousin didn't know who I was so he brought him by my cafe to check me out. WTF!
I didn't even know this had happened and honestly was kinda uncomfortable with him telling me this.
I don't think I am the hottest girl at No Name, Why does there even need to be A Hottest girl? Ridiculous. I know my kitchen is full of hormones and I am part of that but the thought of people that I don't even know being tired of hearing about me makes me stop and think. I have never been good at recieving attention. I always take it in the most negative way possible. Why is he tired of hearing about me? What have I done to make people talk about me? What are they saying? I don't like that sort of attention. I feel exposed. Has a lot to do with being fat as a kid, for sure. People who were fat kids know what I'm talking about. Such a thing has greatly influenced my entire life.
This is just an example of what things have been like for me lately. In a way attention is so nice but in a way it feels fake. There is nothing worse than getting close to someone and then realizing that just since you can't or won't be with him then you are no longer worth talking to in the same way. I don't like the idea of investing time in someone, giving the best part of yourself to them and then getting nothing back in return. It's one of the things I struggle with.
So I guess this blog is sort of my attempt to be more comfortable with attention. I have been and will be making a lot of changes and realize I want people around to experience it all with.