Bizarre phone call at 2am

So the ex calls drunk asking where I am. Went something like this "Umm I'm at home.Where's home. Well I'm in Hollister tonight. Why are you calling me? I don't know... how are you? Umm well it's been rough. I miss my friend. blah blah blah you know how I feel about you Ashley, blah blah blah, you're a sweetheart, blah blah blah, I tried so hard with you, blah blah blah you and I aren't meant for each other, blah blah blah why haven't you found someone else?, blah blah blah what happened with that one guy, blah blah blah want me to kill him blah blah blah, I really like this new girl even though she's young and doesn't get it, blah blah blah hopefully someday you can hang out with us (as in him and her) blah blah blah for about 15 minutes, then we get to the real (I guess) reason why he called. He thinks his best friend Tony and I should get together. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am sooo not the booty call type of girl. So is he serious? Is he that over me that he'd really be okay with me dating his best friend, cause it sure sounded like he thought it was a good idea. Should I just think he's stupid or take this as a complimpent or what? Regardless I'm trying not to let it bother me. It was good talking to him. He said some things I needed to hear. And it felt like I was talking to a friend. The end.

Vegan Picnic, Anyone?

I got picture happy today.

Mmm vegan hotdogs, cheese platter with "cheese whiz" and crackers and an ambrosia salad at the end!

Glazed seitan veggie kabobs and faux chicken salad sandwiches with purple grapes.
And a picture of Clarky with the weiners cause he's a winner!

If I could only wake up feeling like this everyday...

I wouldn't want to wait for bedtime!
I had THE best dream last night :) I was meeting Brandon Boyd, we were at my grandmas house and some of my family was there, but that wasn't the point at all, him and I were hitting it off great, just getting to know each other, it was very quaint. We parted to talk to others but them came back to each other because there was a certain connection, my stupid alarm went off as he called me in the other room to talk... damn! If only that dream could be continued tonight!
*taking a moment to reflect
Even though I didn't want to give up the dream I knew I had to get up. The day had to continue but what do you think I listened to on the way to work?!
Finally got to work on time today! First time in almost 2 months. Had the most productive day I've had in a while, I knew exactly what needed to be done today since it was my menu. It felt good, no bullshit, just work. Got breakfast done early and my little experiment turned out yummy. My first ever attempt at making crackers was a success and even got compliments from the carrot muffin grouch in the pastry hall. The faux egg salad was surprisingly good. My hummus was off today, although it grew on me I had put a little too much raw garlic, kinda harsh then Cory covered it in olive oil since I asked for a little extra help plating the dish. He thought thats how all hummus was done, I was kinda bummed only because I used pureed cauliflower and used way less oil to make it low fat. Oh well no big deal. Got to chat with Clark a bit, I miss hanging out with my buddy. He found me a partner for Feist! Yay!

Funny how much better I'm feeling just by finishing one thing that has been weighing on my mind. Not to mention getting rid of a few toxic relationships and not letting them bother me. Too soon to tell but I feel like some good things are coming my way!

earthlings

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1282796533661048967&

Couldn't sleep so decided to engage my compassionate side.


FUCK everyone

This may be about you

Have You Ever
To get up and walk away would be too easy

So stay and stand your ground, just watch your mouth with me

On the back of every right there's a wrong looming

So here you and I should tread as soft as these razor blades for boots will let be

Have you ever tried to step in my shoes

Have you ever tried to balance on that beam

And if you ever tried to step in my shoes

They'll never be quite as soft as they seem

Unabashed honesty would be ideal

But a prophet did once say that honesty is a lonely word

So where do we go from here...abandon ship now

My problem is you make me melt (more like boil) and I don't want to be frozen anymore

Have you ever tried to step in my shoes

Have you ever tried to balance on that beam

And if you ever tried to step in my shoes

They'll never be quite as soft as they seem

Have you ever...have you ever tried to

I have never...I have never tried to

Have you ever tried to step in my shoes

Have you ever tried to balance on that beam

And if you ever tried to step in my shoes

They'll never be quite as soft as they seem

None other than Incubus!

My first day of moving!

So I woke up this morning around 7:40, already a late start according to my dad. We left for SF shortly after and got there around 10. Greeted a slighlty hungover Meagan and happy J.P. (thats the veg chef!). My room still had random shit everywhere and I felt bad cause Meagan was trying to clean it. Unloading was work, my mom tripped and fell over the last step to get into the house. My dad and I tried hard not to laugh, poor thing! Got my bed set up with headboard minus sheets, my desk, a small dresser, and my bookshelf. My parents left and I unloaded my car myself. Wasn't too bad but I was sweating from all the stairs, the SF breeze felt amazingly nice. I visited with Meagan a bit, paid her my first months rent and she gave me my keys! I told her I'd be up sometime during the week with more stuff. I got in my car and it was barely 11. I was hungry so I googled Cafe Gratitude on my phone, got the address, drove 7 blocks up and 2 over, easily walking distance! It took me as long to find parking as it did to drive there. I sat down at the bar next to a cute boy who was by himself as well. They were playing Feist. I asked the cute boy if I could see his menu and he asked my opinion on some mysterey dried fruit in his granola. I thought it was a mango with the skin on but that is unusual, he asked a waitress, she told us it was dried apple. Mysterey solved. Looking at the menu I thought if I Am Lonely and I Am Stressed were on the menu I would have probably ordered that but instead I got I Am Worthy which was kale, celery, beet, and ginger juice and I Am Insightful which is a collard green wrap with carrots, and cabbage inside and a cashew dipping sauce. Afterward I had to order a milkshake for the heck of it, I got the I Am Cool, it was mint chocolate chip. Nowhere near as good as the one I had in Irvine, this one was barely a milkshake, more like sweet almond milk, but I think the boy was new so I'll give it another try sometime. Got the bill, with tip $30!! Overall Cafe Gratitude stood up to it's name, making me grateful for the my job where I get food and drinks like that 5 days a week for free! I definetly work in the right industry. Speaking of I had been getting texts from Cory since 8:30am for me to meet up with him and a group of people at the Bay to Breakers event. Him and his group were dressed up for it, the theme... Things you would find at a taco stand! He's been planning for this by growing out his beard and mustache and going to dye it and his hair black and wear a cowboy hat, boots, vest and big ol' buckle, I guess he wanted to be the head honcho of the stand. Gawd I hope he took pictures! By his last text it was apparent he was drunk! I told him I was heading home to do homework. He told me Buenos Noches!
On my way back to my car I saw a few things that gave me more of a taste of what SF is going to be like... I passed a buch of photography blowing in the wind.

Sad for whoever lost it. I looked at a few, VERY abstract. Now I wish I would have taken one with me, just for memories sake. Then right outside of my car door was a dirty condom, Yuck! (no picture taken) And a few minutes later experienced a trashy white lady and a black lady with 2 kids and a stroller sreaming at each other down the street, I was trying to figure out what was going on, all I heard was "dumbshit", and "Thanks for the info" and "Oh Yeah do u want my address too?" Such attitude, I thought they might beat each other up at one point. Yikes! I got back to Hollister and it's so much hotter here :( That was my day. Now it's time to actually work on some homework.

I think it may be time to start looking for a new job

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, well I think I do. I lOVE cooking. And I like most of the people I work with some of them I really like, Clark, Cory, Jen, Michelle and Norma. But with others there is a big lack of respect for me, at times. I don't know what it is I guess because I'm different than everybody else. I'm the only veg, I am very concious of what and how I eat and prepare things and I'm outspoken about it. I feel I am most myself at work and it opens me up to a lot of teasing, which is fine, for the most part I laugh it off but this girl can only take so much. I have never been good at comebacks and you know what I like that about myself, but it's frustrating not having the last word so I usually land up getting pissed and laughed at. Whatever I can deal. But it's when shit that occured today happens I start to question peoples respect for me. I was standing by the tilt skillet working on English snap peas, preping them for Monday, talking to Nico explaining how mustard greens are good for digestion, we were trying to convince Oscar to eat just a bite since I had eaten two pieces already and Corbin comes up to the side of me. I notice something cold on my arm and think nothing of it for a second I thought someone was just touching me as they passed behind as we usually do until I look at my arm and see he is touching me with what I think is a duck liver. I screamed You Fucking Asshole and threw the snap pea I had in my hand at his head as he walked away laughing. I immediately walk to the hand sink and scrub with soap. Javier starts laughing jovially. I look at him as I'm scrubbing and said seriously stop laughing I'm fucking pissed right now. He laughs again. I had to try so hard to hold back the tears. I would have been fine if he wasn't laughing, I was pissed but I wouldn't have had tears....
The fact that I just cried right now from thinking about how I felt at that moment tells me that something is not right with me right now. I'm a stronger person than this. But I've noticed myself being more affected by people giving me a hard time. Noticeably enough that Cory had a talk with me about it. I was doing just fine until this instant and even after I think I handled it well, without making such a big deal of it.
I just want to know why people can't leave me alone. I need to create a happy space for myself and somethings telling me it may not be there anymore.

This ones a rant

Like I haven't had enough shit on my mind...
Today I found out a guy I had been talking to had been hitting on another girl I know. No big deal since we weren't together but It was around the same time him and I started talking and he was telling her the exact same shit as he was me, with minor (very minor) variations! And let me tell you, I'm pissed to be compared to her, until very recently I couldn't even stand a conversation with this girl, so self absorbed and disrespectful, she's a skanky bitch if u want my honest opinion. So what the fuck?! I would have never thought him to be that way. Maybe thats why I'm upset. It was more of a fling than anything because he did have a girlfriend (ugh, what does the even say about me?) but I truly believed a lot of what he had to say, we've been friends for a while. Not that I had high expectations of anything between us, but I could have really liked this guy, like wanted to be with him, if I was given the chance, but the chance was never there, thankfully.
I home now listening to music and it seems to fade away all the shit I have been trying to figure out. So let's talk about something else! Let's talk about clothes or shoes, let's talk about food and nutrition, let's talk about life but please let us stop talking about petty shit that we all get ridiculous highs off of only to realize the truth. I had just had a conversation with my best friend yesterday, telling her I'm not hooking up with anybody, call it a born again virgin or whatever you want, I call it smart. I would so rather make new friends than meet a guy who tells me he likes me, waste my time and energy, trying to hold on to or find something there to hold on to. I'd rather spend my time doing something awesome for me like cooking something healthy for someone who doesn't eat well and having them say Yum, or going to the gym and getting full of endorphins, or going to the thrift store and buying 3 pairs of shoes and 2 dresses for $10, or soon enough going out with just myself and a backpack and figuring out what SF has to offer.
Enough drama already, I've had enough.

Why Am I Punishing Myself?

I only wear permanent jewelry

You know, kinda like permanent makeup!

Life is a freaking MESS

I need to say it out loud so I do something about it.
I'm feeling completely bombarded by responsibilitys. I feel like I can't have any fun anymore and fun is exactly what this girl needs- to get my mind off of it all! I have a lot of homework that NEEDS to get done like now! Plus I'm moving very soon and need to get shit organized for that. I guess it's not that much stuff to do, so why do I feel so weighed down by it all?

Hopefully my spirits will be lifted soon but I guess thats all up to me.